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Tips -- August 12, 2015
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It goes without saying that for a couple to get married there needs to be an emotional attraction* between them.** Nevertheless, the most important factor in determining the long term stability of the relationship is the compatibility of the couple. There should be maximum compatibility in terms of similarity of background,*** education, hashkafah,+ etc., matters which will ensure inner peace and harmony, long after the initial emotional excitement has faded.++
* Igros Kodesh Vol 17 p. 84, Vol. 4 p.129
** This "meshichas halev" has to be felt in the heart and not just a logical conclusion that all factors seem to be in place -- Igros Kodesh Vol. 10 p. 338.
*** In a number of places the Rebbe writes that nowadays one need not consider the issue of one family being Aahkenazic and the other Sefardi as a reason to reject a shidduch - see Igros Kodesh Vol. 8 p. 75, Vol 13 p. 187, Vol 8 p. 119, Vol. 19 p. 391.
+ Igros Kodesh Vol 23 p. 55 Vol 9 p. 111. There will always be differences in character between two people and in making a shidduch the most important factor is their hashkafah -Igros Kodesh Vol. 19 p. 15.
++ Often in the initial period, the emotions take charge an opaque somewhat the larger issues. However, in reference to a lifetime, this period is short lived, and when the initial emotions fade, a person becomes much more critical as to whether the decision made was objective and not subjective. Consequently a decision must be based on the two having the maximum compatibility - Shaarei Shidduchim p. 96, 97.
* Igros Kodesh Vol 17 p. 84, Vol. 4 p.129
** This "meshichas halev" has to be felt in the heart and not just a logical conclusion that all factors seem to be in place -- Igros Kodesh Vol. 10 p. 338.
*** In a number of places the Rebbe writes that nowadays one need not consider the issue of one family being Aahkenazic and the other Sefardi as a reason to reject a shidduch - see Igros Kodesh Vol. 8 p. 75, Vol 13 p. 187, Vol 8 p. 119, Vol. 19 p. 391.
+ Igros Kodesh Vol 23 p. 55 Vol 9 p. 111. There will always be differences in character between two people and in making a shidduch the most important factor is their hashkafah -Igros Kodesh Vol. 19 p. 15.
++ Often in the initial period, the emotions take charge an opaque somewhat the larger issues. However, in reference to a lifetime, this period is short lived, and when the initial emotions fade, a person becomes much more critical as to whether the decision made was objective and not subjective. Consequently a decision must be based on the two having the maximum compatibility - Shaarei Shidduchim p. 96, 97.