She was an American girl from California who had just discovered her Jewish roots. She was learning in a girls’ seminary for people just like her. But her mother had not yet accepted this determination of hers to become religious, and every visit to her home in California ended up being a nightmare of disagreements and explosions.
“That’s it!” She told her friends. “I am cutting off relations with my mother. If she isn’t willing to accept me, then I won’t accept her.”
Her friends begged her: “This is a fateful move. Go to the Rebbe, ask him for his advice.”
Reluctantly, she agreed to do so. In the Rebbe’s room, overawed, she told the Rebbe of her decision.The Rebbe then began to do something very uncharacteristic: he began to talk of himself, of his greatness and of the great honor he enjoyed.
“Were you here for Shabbos?"
"Did you see the thousands who wait on my every word?"
"Did you notice how much they respect me?"
"Did you see how, with one wave of my hand, they start dancing?"
"You surely know as well, that each and every one of the Chassidim there, if I just say so, will pick up and leave immediately on a mission from me to any part of the world.”
“Yes, Rebbe, I saw everything,” the young woman answered, surprised at what she was hearing, which seemed to be bordering on pride, even haughtiness.
“Well,” said the Rebbe, “I am willing to give all of this up – all of it! In order to meet my mother of blessed memory even one more time. And you – you can just get on a plane any time and meet your mother, and this is your attitude? So it’s a little hard for you. With Hashem’s help you will find the right way to cope. But to give up on your mother? No! No!”
I am often told:
"I don't see eye to eye with my parents".
"My parents are from an older generation. They don't understand today's youth."
"My parents aren't so religious. They can't relate to frum dating."
And my advice to them is:
Your parents sacrificed too much for you in your childbearing and rearing. They deserve to be included NOT excluded.
They deserve to offer input in what they perceive to your benefit.
Your kallah-to-be deserves to have a positive relationship with her future in-laws.
They deserve to enjoy the nachas from their future grandchildren.
In the event they are on a different page for whatever reason, (every relationship parent/child is unique), they needn't be excluded. Granted what they contribute to the shidduch process may be limited. In fact, many times my services are relied upon in stituations where parents cannot be involved to the extent required. This applies to Chabad, frum, baalei teshuva and non-religious parents. Appreciate them for their positives. And at the same time, if there are any negatives, they should be handled with respect and diplomacy.
Honor thy father and mother is one of the Ten Commandments.
For a reason!!!
“That’s it!” She told her friends. “I am cutting off relations with my mother. If she isn’t willing to accept me, then I won’t accept her.”
Her friends begged her: “This is a fateful move. Go to the Rebbe, ask him for his advice.”
Reluctantly, she agreed to do so. In the Rebbe’s room, overawed, she told the Rebbe of her decision.The Rebbe then began to do something very uncharacteristic: he began to talk of himself, of his greatness and of the great honor he enjoyed.
“Were you here for Shabbos?"
"Did you see the thousands who wait on my every word?"
"Did you notice how much they respect me?"
"Did you see how, with one wave of my hand, they start dancing?"
"You surely know as well, that each and every one of the Chassidim there, if I just say so, will pick up and leave immediately on a mission from me to any part of the world.”
“Yes, Rebbe, I saw everything,” the young woman answered, surprised at what she was hearing, which seemed to be bordering on pride, even haughtiness.
“Well,” said the Rebbe, “I am willing to give all of this up – all of it! In order to meet my mother of blessed memory even one more time. And you – you can just get on a plane any time and meet your mother, and this is your attitude? So it’s a little hard for you. With Hashem’s help you will find the right way to cope. But to give up on your mother? No! No!”
I am often told:
"I don't see eye to eye with my parents".
"My parents are from an older generation. They don't understand today's youth."
"My parents aren't so religious. They can't relate to frum dating."
And my advice to them is:
Your parents sacrificed too much for you in your childbearing and rearing. They deserve to be included NOT excluded.
They deserve to offer input in what they perceive to your benefit.
Your kallah-to-be deserves to have a positive relationship with her future in-laws.
They deserve to enjoy the nachas from their future grandchildren.
In the event they are on a different page for whatever reason, (every relationship parent/child is unique), they needn't be excluded. Granted what they contribute to the shidduch process may be limited. In fact, many times my services are relied upon in stituations where parents cannot be involved to the extent required. This applies to Chabad, frum, baalei teshuva and non-religious parents. Appreciate them for their positives. And at the same time, if there are any negatives, they should be handled with respect and diplomacy.
Honor thy father and mother is one of the Ten Commandments.
For a reason!!!