Tzirel Frankel, veteran shadchanit from Los Angeles, gave a seminar in Crown Heights about how to talk a shidduch on Thursday, February 19. A group of 15 aspiring shadchanim gathered at the home of Mrs. Leah Barber to hear tips from a pro and stories from Ms. Frankel's 25 years as a shadchan. She stressed how important it is for anyone involved in helping a shidduch along to really get to know their subjects, understand where they're coming from, and to care, be able to invest your time, and to listen. The talk is forthcoming shortly on Torah Cafe.
The Chicago Shidduch Group had their big winter event Sunday night, February 15, at the home of Mrs. Rachel Benjamin!
As part of the program, Rabbi Meir Chai Benhiyoun gave an inspiring talk on the topic of Bashert: Finders Keepers. He mentioned that every person has a dimension in his or her soul of "beshertness", which has the potential to give.
After the talk Mrs. Benjamin led the ladies in a hands-on demonstration of a full course, Asian-themed Sheva Brachos meal. Together, the learning and experience generated a lot of inspiration and enthusiasm for the group!
Esther Belinow started this group exactly a year ago and with immense gratitude to Hashem, Meir and Elisheva Piha invite you to the l'chaim of their Daughter Ester Miriam to Avi Brown!
What an amazing Teleconference we had on Sunday! Thanks to all who joined in from around the world - including from Sweden, South Africa, Australia, England, and Canada - to make this call our best-attended ever. Suggestions for shidduchim are traversing the globe!
We deeply apologize for the "glitch" which resulted in so much background noise.
However, Rabbi Friedman 's inspirational message to us was clear: No matter how we plan, Hashem is running the world. We are grateful for Rabbi Friedman's ever-insightful words of wisdom. The recording is being edited to reduce background noise. As soon as this is accomplished, we will make it accessible to you, B'ezras Hashem.
In the mean time, below are notes captured by Mrs. Nechoma Cyprs of the London Shidduch group on Rabbi Manis Friedman's talk on Emuna. Please note that these notes have not been reviewed by Rabbi Friedman, but we feel are worth sharing with our friends and family.
Manis Friedman "ON EMUNA"
The Rebbe took personal responsibility for shidduchim. While health, parnosso, learning and other vital topics were often delegated to hanholo, friends, and doctors to go to for advice, questions on shidduchim were answered by the Rebbe alone. The Rebbe still takes this personal responsibility for each shidduch and wants it even more than we do.
If you still remain single this means that there is something you still need to accomplish being single. Someone was caught in a snowstorm in Detroit and told the Rebbe that he was 'stuck in Detroit'. The Rebbe responded that if you are still in Detroit it means there is something that you need to achieve there. If you are single for one more minute then you need that minute for your tachlis in life. What you do now is meaningful and important in it's own right, but is also an important preparation for your marriage and future.
What is Emuna?
When there is no justification for something, the facts are stacked up against you, it seems impossible. That's where Emuna comes in: where Seichel/logic has nothing to offer. When seichel tells you there is no way, it will stay like this, it can't possibly change, nothing is happening and all the evidence says it will stay this way. Emuna means that at this point you believe, you are absolutely certain. If you can explain it logically then you don't need Emuna. Logic doesn't change reality, this is when Emuna kicks in.
Where does Emuna come from?
The understanding that what is right WILL happen, what is supposed to happen WILL happen, it can't be any other way. We know as Yidden that just because something looks one way doesn't mean it goes that way.
What if we feel that this is a punishment? Maybe we did something wrong to deserve this, we made mistakes...
Yosef asked the prisoners to remember him before the king and he therefore spent two extra years in jail. Who decided this? Hashem, of course. So obviously this was meant for his good. Even our mistakes and the consequences of our mistakes, ARE MEANT TO BE. It is arrogance to think that Hashem will let your mistakes ruin the world! It will be as it is planned to happen. There is nothing we can do about it in the negative, all we can do is prepare ourselves to be ready for all the goodness.
All the theories are irrelevant; what people do or don't do, what people are like, how men or women are. This is about finding your PREDESTINED SHIDDUCH, the one person Hashem has set aside for you. In your tefilla go for that whole package: "Please by this time next year I want to be settled into my family."
Are you deserving?
Hashem WANTS this! He spends all night arranging marriages, this is the most important aspect of the entire existence. Our desire is the weakest part of this whole detailed process. Therefore, we can be absolutely positive, because it is the definition of life itself, Hashem's personal duty. It is going to happen, that's what BASHERT means, it is destined to happen. Stop worrying - it is not supposed to be in your hands, all you need to do is look forward to being a good wife, a good mother.
Rabbi Friedman shared a personal story of going to speak and he had a nasty journey. When the shliach came to the airport he says that on their way he has arranged for Rabbi Freedman to speak to a mother who lost her son in a car accident and is in serious depression. Rabbi Friedman did not feel up to it and was frustrated that he had not been asked.
He says how her loss must be massive. She speaks about how wonderful her son was and he says, "Such a wonderful person to have for 19 years." She was not impressed. So he said, "Maybe it is because of the shock or the grief that you can't appreciate that? But what if you were asked 'There is an incredible soul who needs a mother for 19 years. We are looking for a great mother for him - would you have agreed to that?"
Absolutely no way, she was not buying this.
He responded like this, "In that case it's a good thing the Aibishter didn't ask you, because you would have given the wrong answer!"
She broke down and finally cried, for 20 minutes and finally was ready to function again. Back in the car he was thinking that rarely do you get to see revival in such a way. And then it occurred to him, that had he been asked to go he would for sure have said that he couldn't do it! All the things that Hashem puts on our plate without asking us are a gift. Because if we had been asked we would say 'NO!', we would give the wrong answer!
So thank Hashem each morning for giving us what is right for us and for not asking us. We should be relieved as the greatest experiences come 'B'hesach Hadaas', when we don't realise. It is going to happen anyway; we may as well enjoy the ride.
Moshiach is coming, Bhesach Hadaas.
May G-d bless each and every one of you to find your Bashert and the
Basherts for the singles in your lives !
We are excited about our most recent meeting, which took place on Wednesday, February 11 at the home of Mrs. Devorah Davidzada. A huge thanks to Mrs. Davidzada for opening up your home!!
The theme of this meeting was GETTING TO THE ESSENCE PART 2. Some highlights that we covered:
1) We did a Dropbox tutorial for those of us who have never used it before. Thank you to those who put their profiles in!! If you are familiar with Dropbox please please go in there for one minute and put the profile in. From now until the next meeting our goal is to have at least 20 profiles there - 10 for men, 10 for women!
Last meeting we agreed that the organization and naming of files will go as follows:
Click on either the Male/Female folder. Then within each folder we created subcategories of age, increments of 10 years. Choose the correct age range for the single. Then right click your mouse, and choose Upload File. Name the file the following: Female_Age ##_PROFILE_(and then the next number which follows the last number already in the folder).
Contact us for Dropbox Login Info!
2) We viewed more video clips of singles. If you haven't already gotten a short video of your single, don't waste a minute and call them up right now to ask them to do it!
Here are some sample questions that they should answer:
- What is the most important quality that you would say you are looking for in your spouse?
- Tell me somebody that you look up to/admire and why?
- What's something you have a real love for, something that either relaxes you or something you just absolutely love doing?
Video clips shouldn't be more than 2-3 minutes long.
Remember, these videos are meant to do two things:
#1 Introduce the single to the group in a way that makes them a REAL person and not just another name on a piece of paper. That way we can feel like we "know" them a little more and can have hopefully more success in trying to match them with another single.
And #2 to try to dig a little deeper beyond the basic facts on a profile and to GET TO THE ESSENCE of the person. To try to understand what makes them tick, so to speak.
Once the video is made, let the single upload it to the Dropbox as well. The file should be named: Female_Age ##_VIDEO_(and then the same number that was used for the profile).
It was a pleasure meeting with all of the ladies and we look forward to our next meeting!!
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